Shakespeare said, "What's in a name? That which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet." I disagree. And I am sure if Shakespeare also had an extra ‘y’ added in surname on his passport, he would too.
So one fine day you open up the passport booklet only to find that it claims you are Mr. KhandeliYa instead of Khandelia. What do you do? You search on Google. Aha! They have a whole site for passports, this should tell me everything I need to know. BUT it doesn’t, it tells you everything other than what you are looking for, unless what you want is a new passport. Next destination – forums. Lots of webpages later I find out that I need to go the office where I got my passport from. BUT I live in Delhi now and it was issued from Bhopal when I was young. Shouldn’t such services on existing passports be centralized? Yes. BUT they aren’t. Fine. Skip classes, drop everything, run to Bhopal. Get reservation into a nearby expensive hotel. Room is nice and shiny with a plasma TV, all is good. BUT don’t ask for room service. Like the stubborn cow on road that wouldn’t move until you honked its brains out, room service won,t deliver until you call reception a min of 2 times and shout. Koi baat nahi, main cheez toh passport hai.
The office is open for people only between 10a.m to 1p.m with passport delivered in the evening between 5-6p.m. Get there ask around what should you do until you get tired of being misdirected. Remmember you are invisible as soon as you enter the building, there is no other explanation why ‘babus’ go around as if you are simply not there, they don't can’t hear you, its freaky. Fine don’t tell me I’ll go ask the passport officer. “Counter 2”. “Sir kya formali…” ”Counter 2! (plus a look of complete irritation on WHY I was not born with this knowledge)”. Aye Aye sir, counter 2. Get in line ,get to the counter. Its scary but there is no other alternative, ask the guy which form do you need to fill since none of them seem to be right for the task at hand, then duck behind the blast walls. “No form, just give an application”, so that’s why I couldn’t find the form, it doesn’t exist. Okay sirji, ye lijiye application, mera passport kab tak mil jaayega? “Shaam ko aana, 5 baje.”
(kill time, even the stupid watch seems to tick slowly when you are caught in this vortex)
Aha! 4:30, go queue up quick. Tick Tock, Tick Tock, passport time. BUT the window does not open. Why why w..whywhywhy? Try asking, get reminded that you are invisible (He dint even look up from his desk, indifference at its best). Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. 5:45. “Aditya Khandeli(y)a”. Yes! That’s me! “Dekhiye aapne form pe kya likha hai.” Shit. Khandeliya. Jump to identity proof. 10th marksheet, says khandelia. “ Par sir ye dekhiye marksheet pe toh correct naam hai?” “Nahi, use kuch nahi hota, naye ke liye apply karo.” “Par sir….”(passport reaches collection counter, go get it quick). Ask around how to go about getting this done, what all would you need to submit with a new application. BUT you are invisible again. Go beg ask officer’s peon to arrange a quick audience. Peon signals you to go in. “Sir…” “Ye aap andar kaise ghus aaye?” “Sir aapke peon ne signal kiya.” Looks at peon, who promptly refuses. “Bahar niklo, BAHAR NIKLO (looks around) chappal kahan hai” “(WTF, chappal) okay sir main ja raha hun.” Get out quick, implore another peon, appendix I is all he says. Okay time to go get it and prepare for tomorrow’s battle.
(Enter Night, lousy sleep, cock-a-doodle-do)
I am not even surprised that the form instructions are vague and do not address problem of similar nature to mine. I mean which form would have a column like ‘You screwed up, so did we lets sort this out’. Ask travel agents if they will assist you, for a fee ofcourse. No they won’t. Either you apply through them or go fug yourselves. Manage to get the form completed with the help of a few Samaritans in the line. Watch fights break out over who was in the line and who wasn’t. 2 hours later, its your turn. “Form thik hai, counter no. 5 token no. 18.” Wait for your number to be called. Display crawls to 18, my turn. Nope, there’s another 18! What? Go to the token counter again. “ Koi aur hai 18 pe? koi baat nahi aap 25 le lo.” Great, that’s another half an hour. 25. Aha, seems like the ordeal will be over soon. But that only happens in sappy happy movies. This is passport office, duh. Everything seems to be in order, until they see that the previous passport was when you were a minor. So now you need police certification and your own address proof. (In my opinion, this is how trial and error must have originated). No way you can get it the same day so just let it go. Arrange for it later and come back, that is to say go to Dewas, get the required affidavit and come back in line, for the next iteration. Why don’t I enquire about it other things needed now itself? Because I am invisible. They WILL NOT tell what else is required; it is to be saved for the next time. (iterative equations, convergence, it all makes sense now!)
So what next? I have exams from Saturday, cant stay any longer. Okay I’ll provide a letter of authority to someone, for once there is format attached with the form). BUT, if its so easy, it cant be right. A quick check with the peon comfirms, “Isse nahi hoga, khud hi aana padega.”
Screw it. I quit.
